I’ve been traveling for most of the month of February, so I decided to put a kibosh on dating. The past 22 days have been spent visiting the great state of Texas (namely, Dallas, Houston, and Austin), and it’s been a well-earned break. I enjoy getting out of Chicago every now and then because at times it makes my general headspace feel so claustrophobic. There’s nothing like driving through expansive stretches of farmland to clear the ol’ noggin.
I primarily travel alone, and had a lot of time to think whilst driving, considering I’d forgotten to dust off a few CDs for the rental car for when the local stations fuzzed out (and for general rocking out v hard, as needed). I thought a lot about myself. That sounds incredibly selfish! But I think it’s important to reevaluate where you are, mentally in this case…I knew exactly where I was physically (though I’ve got some wild ideas about where we all are, metaphysically). There’s no better time to rehash you personal and professional goals than on a 3-4 hour drive between cities, amiright?
I 100% do not like dating. This is nothing new. Even if I’m going on a date with someone I know, it’s a bit too anxiety-inducing. There are a million things I’d rather do than dating, and I’m going to focus on those. I tend to get to a point every few months where I’m simply tired of not being able to share things with another human on an intimately connected level (for example, I want to go to Graceland and Dollywood, but not by myself! And not with a platonic pal, no offense, platonic pals). But this is not a priority. It’s a thing that will maybe one day happen perhaps. Maybe. One day. Perhaps?
My main priority is being comfortable. Sometimes that’s tough, because you can’t control the outcome of everything, but you can certainly ensure that you’re doing everything in your power to potentially cushion any unknowns. As long as you’ve got your wits about you, dealing with unexpected obstacles shouldn’t be too difficult. A recent example: I dropped my phone in water because of course I did. I did this in Dallas right at the beginning of my trip. I got to Verizon. I ordered a replacement phone. I wrote down directions to several spots I wanted to visit on my way from Dallas to Houston since I now was without GPS. I had the new phone sent to Houston. I took pictures at my touristy stops with my computer (which was ridiculous but hey, it worked kinda). Everything was fine. If that had happened jeez, even like 5 years ago, I think I would have freaked out. Seriously though once you hit your 30’s, it seems like nothing can touch you because you’ve already (potentially) dealt with weird and horrible enough crap that nothing’s truly terrible. There are exceptions to this, mostly dealing with death, unexpected financial debacles, horrible accidents, incurable illnesses…and so forth. But yeah. Throw all of the unexpected things at me, bro.
Well ok please don’t. But I’ve gotten a bit off topic. All of this to say, my life can be broken into a series of needs and wants, and sometimes needs versus wants.
*I need a job. I want to excel at it and grow with it, and for it to grow with me. (Accomplished)
*I need a creative outlet. I want something I create to gain traction but know that’s not always possible. (Always in progress)
*I need sleep. I want to be better at sleep because I’m very bad at sleep. I am so so bad at sleep. (In progress?)
*I need love in order to thrive. I want romantic love but it’s not a necessity because the love and support from my friends is what truly keeps me going. (Accomplished!)
*I need pizza. And coffee. And puppy snuggles. And floofy catcats. Crickets on the wants for this one. This is non-negotiable. (Accomplished 4-lyfe)
So once again, after a long hard “driving through Texas” rumination, I think I’m going to shelf this quest for a partner. If it happens, it happens, but I neither need nor want to look right now, and I’m allowed to change my mind whenever I feel like it. And you can, too!
...I Just Want Your Half. 