June 15th, 2015: a date I will never forget. Probably one of the weirdest, scariest, dumbest mornings I’ve had in a while, and a day I hope to never replicate. I’ll give you a break down, though you can read more about it HERE.
Short version: I went for a jog and rather severely sprained my ankle on both sides, bruised all of the bones in my foot, and chipped a piece of bone off of my medial malleolus (aka base of the tibia that makes your ankle all sticky-outtie).
Sounds cringe-worthy, right? Trust me, it felt pretty not great.
I couldn’t walk much for about a month, couldn’t walk right for about 6 more, occasionally have a limp which might last for a while, and walk even more so on the outside of my foot than I did previously. It’s been a tricky recovery. But. It’s been a recovery, and for that I’m truly grateful.
I’m an impatient person, and I am a “just push through the pain and you’ll be fine!” person when it comes to me. When it comes to everyone else I’m the “YOU NEED TO SEE A DOCTOR! WHY ARE YOU PUTTING IT OFF!? DON’T MAKE IT WORSE! I KNOW THESE THINGS BECAUSE I KNOW THINGS ABOUT MEDICAL THINGS!” person. But me? Pfffft. I’ll be fine! Which is why I didn’t give in to the fact that I’d messed up my ankle worse than usual (I’m a repeat sprainer and hey, the ER doctor said it was just a simple sprain even though I have basically sprained my ankle at least 10 (probably more, tbh) times and I know how sprains normally feel and this one felt like someone took a sledge hammer to my ankle about 5 times) until after a month of barely being able to stumble to my bathroom, which is a whopping 2 feet from my room.
I fell into a pretty seriously depression. As much as I wanted to stay positive, I’d lost the one thing that I could do to make my brain shut up for a second and re-focus. Jogging was my meditation, a moment to reconnect with the world and stop thinking about the little things. Without the ability to jog or wander around and absorb something else to chill me out, I sort of shut down, socially. I gained a bunch of weight. I just kinda stopped caring about anything that wasn’t work or work-related.
Something snapped in a positive way around Christmas, and I decided that it was time to get back to being me. I started eating correctly (ie: no more all-candy dinners) and saw a shift in my emotions pretty fast, which was nice. I started going out for little walks and wore supportive sneakers to ensure I didn’t stress my ankle. And when I felt like I was ready to try jogging again, I waited one more month, just in case. And ordered every compression sleeve/ankle guard/support strap under the freakin’ sun.
On April 30th, 2016 (so dramatic with these dates, jfc), I jogged my first mile since the accident. It was a chilly and grey Saturday, perfect jogging weather. I told myself, just try to go for a half mile and don’t worry about what happens. Regardless of how far or how fast, I was determined. Honestly, (dramatic moment #6million over here), I’d spent the past 10.5 months thinking I likely wouldn’t be able to jog again for a long time. Even if I only jogged .25 miles, it didn’t matter! I was doing something that was, for me, incredible. I thought back to the first day, maybe about 4 months ago, that I realized I could tackle running upstairs. It was a weekend morning and I was going to check in on some cats. I moseyed up the steps to the Wellington Brownline platform and felt like a superhero. That memory made my heart race (but in a good way) and I set off on my first jog, to recapture that feeling. Slowly but surely, I jogged my first mile. And then I cried like a baby, because I was so proud.
I’ve been going out every other day since then, increasing my milage bit by bit, and inadvertently increasing my speed. It feels great to know that my goal of running a 5k in October is attainable.
I used to be so concerned about being slow and the possibility of people judging me as I jog through my neighborhood, but I honestly don’t care anymore, because I CAN JOG THROUGH MY NEIGHBORHOOD. It’s not like I’m out there with a big ol’ smile on my face and bluebird on my shoulder – I definitely choked on a bug today and it’s still kinda tough in general because hey, I haven’t done this in almost a year! Being able to jog a mile straight in the first week since I’ve been back to it still blows my mind because I remember, when I jogged before, how long it took me to get to that point. But I feel complete again. I feel like everything I’ve been working on since Christmas has helped me back on my path to be a better me. it’s not always the easiest, but it’s definitely worth it in the grand scheme of things.
It’s really good to be back.
...I Just Want Your Half. 